I am very bad at being a grown up.
Today I was sitting in my car and I couldn't find a set of keys in my purse. I am always losing things in my purse. Because my purse looks like a miniature version of my bedroom closet when I was a kid. Packed full of all my stuff in no discernible order. Actually it looks like a miniature version of my bedroom closet now. Or any room in my house. Like I said, I am very, very bad at this grown up stuff.
So I was looking for a set of keys, and I pulled out tons of stuff. Now my purse looked like a circus clown car, or a magician's pocket - just wads and wads of stuff in a never ending series of receipts, gum wrappers, notes to myself, envelopes, unpaid bills, paid bills, business cards, empty gum cartons, candy wrappers, and
OH! a tootsie roll.
Not the tiny size tootsie roll, (the so-called "fun" size), the real size tootsie roll. The size it's supposed to be.
Mmmmm.
Frustration was instantly replaced by delight, then guilt.
The tootsie roll was for my daughter - not a little daughter, mind you, a big daughter, my 24 year old daughter.
But then I remembered how last week when I bought us each a Hershey's Special Dark candy bar and brought them home, and then realized they were melty from being in a hot car and so I put them in the freezer, and then forgot about them, and then remembered them, and went to get mine, I discovered that my daughter had eaten some of my bar.
Without asking. Because she knew, she knew, what I would say. (When she was a little daughter her big sister once asked her, "Why do you take things without asking?" And she replied, "Because I know you'll say no." So there you have it. She is still operating with the same philosophy.)
And then how last night, after I spent 2 hours in a dark church with 75 middle schoolers playing Romans vs. Christians, I was given the last couple of slices of pizza ("Oh, no, " I said, "I shouldn't." We'll just throw them away," they said. "Oh," I said, "that would be wasteful." So I took them.) And I thought, tomorrow I have a busy day, I can take this pizza to work for my lunch. But...I knew that in the middle of the night the daughter would come downstairs and find and steal the pizza. So I hid it deep in the scary recesses of the refrigerator where the plastic containers of unknown and unrecognizable leftovers are stored. ( I told you I'm no good at this grown-up stuff. A real grown up cleans out her fridge occasionally.) And then the daughter did come down the stairs and opened the refrigerator and with her pizza radar immediately sensed there was pizza tucked away deep in the fridge. "Oh!" she said, in her entitlement tone of voice, " I see you brought pizza home for me." And she dove into the fridge and emerged with pizza in hand. It hadn't even gotten cold yet.
So today I'm without lunch, because only a grown up would plan ahead and make a lunch for herself.
And so...back to the purse and the tootsie roll. Having banished my guilt I started chomping on the tootsie roll, while still pawing and digging into the purse. I made piles on the passenger seat - useless paper here, trash there, oh, I forgot I had that in a 3rd pile, wallet, checkbook, lipstick, souvenir magnets, pens, pencils, kleenex packages, napkins from restaurants that I stuffed into my purse because, "they're just going to throw them out and why waste a perfectly good napkin, it could come in handy," and then the napkin sits in my purse for 3 months until I find it when I'm looking for something else (like keys), and I throw it away. My purse is like napkin purgatory.
Finally I realize that the keys I am looking for are in my other purse. That when I changed purses I did not transfer that set of keys into the next purse. I sigh. I start putting stuff back into my purse, reserving some piles for recycling and trash.
Then I remember the tootsie roll. Where is my tootsie roll? I know I ate one bite, but what did I do with the rest of the tootsie roll while I was looking for the keys? I shuffle through the trash pile and the recycling pile. No tootsie roll. I dig everything out of my purse again. No tootsie roll. And then I look in my secret compartment - okay it's not secret, it's the storage thingy between the seats where I stuff McDonald's bags so my kids (grown kids) won't notice that I went to McDonald's and didn't ask them if they wanted something too - that compartment. And there was the tootsie roll wrapper. Just the wrapper. I ate my tootsie roll. I ate all of it. And I never even noticed. And I didn't even enjoy it.
And I am sad. Because this is such a grown up thing to do. Because my head is so full of useless life-sucking stuff that I can't even enjoy a piece of candy.
And I realize, I don't want to be a grown up. I don't want to think about insurance and taxes and amortization rates. I don't want my head filled with useless stuff. I want to lie on my back and watch clouds. I want to eat the whole roll of Pillsbury cookie dough. I want to wander along creeks and watch frogs and tadpoles. I want to be real.
And I hope that I didn't just drop that tootsie roll somewhere in the car where it is melting into the upholstery. Although that would be a very childlike thing to do.
Today I was sitting in my car and I couldn't find a set of keys in my purse. I am always losing things in my purse. Because my purse looks like a miniature version of my bedroom closet when I was a kid. Packed full of all my stuff in no discernible order. Actually it looks like a miniature version of my bedroom closet now. Or any room in my house. Like I said, I am very, very bad at this grown up stuff.
So I was looking for a set of keys, and I pulled out tons of stuff. Now my purse looked like a circus clown car, or a magician's pocket - just wads and wads of stuff in a never ending series of receipts, gum wrappers, notes to myself, envelopes, unpaid bills, paid bills, business cards, empty gum cartons, candy wrappers, and
OH! a tootsie roll.
Not the tiny size tootsie roll, (the so-called "fun" size), the real size tootsie roll. The size it's supposed to be.
Mmmmm.
Frustration was instantly replaced by delight, then guilt.
The tootsie roll was for my daughter - not a little daughter, mind you, a big daughter, my 24 year old daughter.
But then I remembered how last week when I bought us each a Hershey's Special Dark candy bar and brought them home, and then realized they were melty from being in a hot car and so I put them in the freezer, and then forgot about them, and then remembered them, and went to get mine, I discovered that my daughter had eaten some of my bar.
Without asking. Because she knew, she knew, what I would say. (When she was a little daughter her big sister once asked her, "Why do you take things without asking?" And she replied, "Because I know you'll say no." So there you have it. She is still operating with the same philosophy.)
And then how last night, after I spent 2 hours in a dark church with 75 middle schoolers playing Romans vs. Christians, I was given the last couple of slices of pizza ("Oh, no, " I said, "I shouldn't." We'll just throw them away," they said. "Oh," I said, "that would be wasteful." So I took them.) And I thought, tomorrow I have a busy day, I can take this pizza to work for my lunch. But...I knew that in the middle of the night the daughter would come downstairs and find and steal the pizza. So I hid it deep in the scary recesses of the refrigerator where the plastic containers of unknown and unrecognizable leftovers are stored. ( I told you I'm no good at this grown-up stuff. A real grown up cleans out her fridge occasionally.) And then the daughter did come down the stairs and opened the refrigerator and with her pizza radar immediately sensed there was pizza tucked away deep in the fridge. "Oh!" she said, in her entitlement tone of voice, " I see you brought pizza home for me." And she dove into the fridge and emerged with pizza in hand. It hadn't even gotten cold yet.
So today I'm without lunch, because only a grown up would plan ahead and make a lunch for herself.
And so...back to the purse and the tootsie roll. Having banished my guilt I started chomping on the tootsie roll, while still pawing and digging into the purse. I made piles on the passenger seat - useless paper here, trash there, oh, I forgot I had that in a 3rd pile, wallet, checkbook, lipstick, souvenir magnets, pens, pencils, kleenex packages, napkins from restaurants that I stuffed into my purse because, "they're just going to throw them out and why waste a perfectly good napkin, it could come in handy," and then the napkin sits in my purse for 3 months until I find it when I'm looking for something else (like keys), and I throw it away. My purse is like napkin purgatory.
Finally I realize that the keys I am looking for are in my other purse. That when I changed purses I did not transfer that set of keys into the next purse. I sigh. I start putting stuff back into my purse, reserving some piles for recycling and trash.
Then I remember the tootsie roll. Where is my tootsie roll? I know I ate one bite, but what did I do with the rest of the tootsie roll while I was looking for the keys? I shuffle through the trash pile and the recycling pile. No tootsie roll. I dig everything out of my purse again. No tootsie roll. And then I look in my secret compartment - okay it's not secret, it's the storage thingy between the seats where I stuff McDonald's bags so my kids (grown kids) won't notice that I went to McDonald's and didn't ask them if they wanted something too - that compartment. And there was the tootsie roll wrapper. Just the wrapper. I ate my tootsie roll. I ate all of it. And I never even noticed. And I didn't even enjoy it.
And I am sad. Because this is such a grown up thing to do. Because my head is so full of useless life-sucking stuff that I can't even enjoy a piece of candy.
And I realize, I don't want to be a grown up. I don't want to think about insurance and taxes and amortization rates. I don't want my head filled with useless stuff. I want to lie on my back and watch clouds. I want to eat the whole roll of Pillsbury cookie dough. I want to wander along creeks and watch frogs and tadpoles. I want to be real.
And I hope that I didn't just drop that tootsie roll somewhere in the car where it is melting into the upholstery. Although that would be a very childlike thing to do.
